ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
