I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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