First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
