I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
