I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
