i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
