thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
