Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
