we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
