Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
