I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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