great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
