Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
babies were throwing up all over the place
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
