My underwear smells like fireworks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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