He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
