you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
