my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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