I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
