life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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