drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
