So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
