I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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