Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
