I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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