ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
