I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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