At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
