This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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