i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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