cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize