I can feel you judging me through the phone.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
