Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
