dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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