69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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