16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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