Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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