before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's the barista slut.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
