Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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