Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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