I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
