The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
