Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
