no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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