Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it fun? or sober?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize