brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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