So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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