We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
