Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
