eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
