she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
