are you so shy because you have an std?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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