Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
