Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
