Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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