i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
