You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
