the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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