Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
