"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
