i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize