U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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