I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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