conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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