Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
another moral hangover. fuck.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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