of course. lets lasso hookers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
