Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
