yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
