His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
