your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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