you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
