That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
