What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
