I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
