I'm going to jail i love you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
