Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
