she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
