we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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